Kalamazoo Gives Egypt The Willies

Kalamazoo’s Willie Wasp picked off 2 Moses passes and made 6 tackles to lead the Killer Bee defense in a 35-21 win over the Ra. Ramesses ran for 219 yards and scored all 3 Ra touchdowns, but he couldn’t carry the entire load for Egypt as their 4 game winning streak came to an end.

Kerry Kingbee had another atrocious day, completing only 3 of 8 passes for 32 yards, though one of those was a TD pass to George B. Hive. Fortunately, Steve Swarm ran for 131 yards and 2 TD’s and Peter Pollen added another. The Killer Bee special teams came through with a punt return for a TD, and kept the Ra pinned down deep in their own end with phenomenal kick coverage. The Ra defense was led by Nectanebo with 3 ½ tackles and a sack. Mudd Dauber had 6 tackles and a sack for Kalamazoo.

Thanks to my friend Chris Markham who coached the Ra for the first quarter. Hopefully, we will get a full game in next time.


Garrett Morris, #91, sacks Moses

Xerxis finds an open pocket in the Bee defense

Khnum returns a kick for the Ra

Willie Wasp, #12, with his second interception of the game

Third Reich Continues March

Wilhelm ‘Colonel’ Klink threw 2 touchdown passes and ran for another as the Munich Third Reich escaped with a narrow victory over a fiesty Toxic Waste team, 35-31 Orenthal Simpson set a team record with 312 yards rushing and scored 2 TD’s for Three Mile Island, who lost their 6th game of the season. George Dubya completed 7-11-1 for 155 yards and a TD in the loss.

The game was a back and forth affair, as both teams battled for control. Munich went for ball control as they chewed up the clock with a punishing ground game coupled with a precise air attack. Three Mile took the quick strike method with several long runs by Simpson. In the end, though, it was an interception by the Reich’s Manfred Mann at the Reich 5 yard line that preserved the win. Richard Meier had 135 yards rushing for Munich. Joeseph Herrmann led Munich with 5 tackles, while Dick Cheney matched it for the Waste.


The Reich's Willie Wolf gets tackled at the 1 yard line

Sebastian Keller, #90, recovers the loose ball for Munich

Richard Meier, #34, on the kick return

Simpson, #32, finds a huge hole in the Reich defense for a score

Zombie Nightmare Continues

New Zealand continued it’s nightmarish season with a sound beating by the Bozos. Battle Creek used a suffocating defense to shut out the high powered Zombie offense in a 24-7 victory. The Clowns took a 10-0 lead into halftime on a Bernie Field goal and a 4 yard dive by 2 Cents. More or Less made it 17-0 when he took the second half kick off 96 yards for a TD. New Zealand got on the board when Jerome Bettis returned the ensuing kick off 89 yards to make it 17-7. The two teams battled back and forth through the 3rd and 4th quarters. More or Less caught a Pi pass and ran 44 yards for the final score.

Bart Star and Dan Fouts combined for a miserable 5-13-2 and 89 yards, and Curtis Martin had 45 of the teams 85 total yards rushing for New Zealand. 2 Cents finished the day with 163 yards on 13 carries and 1 TD for Battle Creek. Harry Carson had 3 tackles, a sack and an interception for the Zombies, while Plus had 4 ½ tackles for the clowns.

I want to thank Phil Gilliam for coaching the Bozos through the first half. He did an excellent job, and is quite a clown himself.


The Zombies Harry Carson, #53, intercepts this pass intended for Target

Willie Davis'(#87) late hit on Pi resulted in a personal foul

Big Win For Bigfoots

There’s 2 things you can say about the Sasquatch. They have big feet, and even bigger memories. Still seething over last weeks loss, the Canadians spent the week reminding themselves how they lost to the Mennonites last year, when the Amish team’s defense held a goal line stand, stopping the big guys on 4 consecutive plays from the one inch line. They made sure it didn’t happen again, as Grog and Muckman combined for 145 yards rushing and Stinkwater completed his first 9 passes in a row for 111 yards and 2 touchdowns as the Sasquatch won their 5th game of the year, 31-13.

Bunyons put the ‘Quatch on top with a 1st quarter field goal for a 3-0 lead. Billy Bob Weisser scrambled 30 yards for a score to make it 6-3 as the extra point failed. The Sasquatch then reeled off 28 unanswered points on runs by back up running backs Trotter and Flowers, who ran a perfectly executed end run, and TD catches by Badgas and Theodore. The Mennonites scored on the next to last play of the game with a 58 yard punt return for the final margin.

Luthar Lamp had 48 yards rushing for the Amish, while Speedy Ezekiel was held to a personal low of -4 yards. Chappy led the Sasquatch defense with 5 ½ tackles, while the Mennonites were led by Louis Lapp with 6.


Theodore, #81, catches this TD pass in the corner of the end zone

Stickums, #27, recovers this Luthar Lamp fumble

There were lots of hard feelings and hard hits during the game

Theodore on the loose again

great recaps. how did you get a late hit penalty?? :D ppls$

Mark, I always roll the dice to see if there are penalties or fumbles after each play. It just happened by coincidence that on that particular play a personal foul came up against the Zombies after Davis plastered Pi to the ground. The funny thing was, watching the play happen I said to myself "Man, he should get a penalty for that hit" and sure enough, the flag fell.

Stats coming soon!

Ravenna Al, you need to put...
 

that Shaka Zulu team in your league. It's the perfect league for them to play. When I was in college, I played on an Intramural team called the African Warriors. We dominated intramural sports at Tennessee!

I'd love to see some representation of my African ancestry in your league! If there was a perfect league to bring together all creeds, your league is definitely it.

I love the Sasquatch team. I hope they obliterate the league! Their feet are BIG!!!!:rtfl: :rtfl: :rtfl: :rtfl: :rtfl:

Reg

Reg, I like that idea. I'll try and make a few to see how they look before my next season begins next year. Of course, that's provided I ever get finished with those Rams I promised Mark Robin. :dohdh: Now, here's the standings after 7 weeks...



Standings:

North Division ........... W ...... L .... OL..... PF ..... PA

Canadian Sasquatch...... 5...... 2...... 0...... 196...... 145

Munich Third Reich......... 5...... 2...... 0...... 198...... 153

Battlin’ Bozos................ 5...... 2...... 0...... 195..... 170

Kalamazoo Killer Bees...... 4...... 3...... 0...... 200...... 169

Weirdwolf Werewolves.... 3...... 4...... 0...... 198...... 162




Un-North Division ....... W...... L...... OL.... PF...... PA

Egyptian Ra................... 4...... 3..... 1...... 184...... 209

Midwest Mennonites....... 3...... 4...... 0...... 159....... 207

Flaming Fairies............... 3...... 4...... 1...... 186...... 207

New Zealand Zombies ..... 2...... 5...... 0..... 188...... 228

Toxic Waste.................. 1...... 6...... 0...... 212...... 254

Here's the stats for week 7.


Leading Rushers

......Player ............... Team............. Yards/Att....... Ave....... Tds

1) Orenthal Simpson. Toxic Waste..... 883 / 68...... 13.0...... 15
2) 2 Cents…........... Bozos................672 / 80....... 8.4....... 5
3) Ramesses......... Ra................... 590 / 42....... 14.0...... .9
4) Grog................ Sasquatch......... 555 / 84....... 6.6....... 6
5) Steve Swarm….. Killer Bees....…….. 533 / 34.…….. 15.7... 7
6) Johnny Holmes…... Fairies………...... 511 / 68.…... 7.5…..... 7
7) Muckman.......... Sasquatch........ 502 - 68......... 7.4........ 7
8) Jack Nichoolson.. Werewolves....... 455 / 67......... 6.8...... 10
9) Sven Wagner.... Third Reich......... 451 - 54....... 8.4......... 7
10) Luthar Lamp...... Mennonites......... 439 / 48........ 9.1....... 3



Passing Leaders

..........Player...........Team ........ Comp - Att - Int - TD’s... Yards ….. Rating


1) Wilhelm Klink.... Third Reich....... 58 - 99 - 7..... 9 TD’s..... 1261 yds..… 103.8
2) Starr/Fouts **... Zombies........ 56 -102 - 10....... 9 TD’s..... 1142 yds…. 84.3
3) Tommy Cruise... Fairies............ 50 - 99 -4..... 8 TD’s...... 1061 yds….... 98.9
4) Stinkwater....... Sasquatch....... 62 - 96 - 3..... 7 TD’s..... 946 yds….... 108.2
5) Pi................... Bozos............. 51 - 94 - 6..... 11 TD‘s.... 925yards...... 100.7
6) Billybob Weisser Mennonites ..... 50 - 85 - 3..... 5 TD‘s...... 921 yds..…. 101.2
7) Warren Moon….. Werewolves….. 50 - 87 - 11.….. 7 TD…..... 868 yds….... 78.8
8) George Dubya .. Toxic Waste... 41 - 72 - 9..... 5 TD‘s....... 845 yds…... 82.0
9) Moses……….....… Ra…………...….. 49 - 91 - 11.…. 3 TD’s…..… 774 yds….... 53.8
10) Kerry Kingbee.. Killer Bees......... 34 - 72 - 10..... 7 TD‘s...... 570 yds….. 67.2

** The Zombies alternate QB's during the course of the game between Bart Starr and Dan Fouts

Leading Receivers

Player ................. Team........... Catches - yards... TD’s

1) Richard Meier..... Third Reich....... 26 - 534...... 3 TD's
2) Willie Wolf........... Third Reich..... 15 - 429...... 1 TD’s
3) Speedy Ezekiel.... Mennonites........ 17 - 304..... 2 TD's
4) Johnny Holmes..... Fairies............. 10 - 303...... 2 TD's
5) Jason Stinger..... Killer Bees........ 8- 289........ 6 TD’s
6) Tim Brown........... Zombies.......... 11 - 272...... 2 TD's
7) Jim Baker............ Toxic Waste..... 12 - 262..... 2 TD's
7) Muckman.......... Sasquatch....... 16 - 262........ 0 TD
9) Target............... Bozos............. 14 - 249...... 2 TD's
10) Jack Nicholson.. Werewolves...... 16 - 247........ 2 TD's




Sacks

Player................ Team....... #

1) Nectanebo.......... Ra............ 5
1) Khafra................ RA............. 5
3) Mudd Dauber....... Killer Bees.... 4
4) Wolfman Jack...... Werewolves... 3
5) Charles Mann...... Zombies...... 2 1/2
Seven tied with 2


Interceptions

Player....... Team...... #

1) Willie Wasp...... Killer Bees..... 7
2) Manfred Mann... Third Reich.... 4
3) Bud Weisser...... Mennonites... 3
3) Wolf Blitzer....... Werewolves... 3
3) Michael J. Fox... Werewolves.. 3
3) Thinker............ Sasquatch.... 3
3) Greaterthanfour.. Bozos........ 3
3) Bud Weisser...... Mennonites.. 3
Eleven tied with 2



Leading Tackles

Player............... Team......... # Tackles

1) Elliott Gould.......... Killer Bees.......... 29 1/2
1) Colon Powell........ Toxic Waste........ 29 1/2
3) Jerry Yellowjacket. Killer Bees.......... 27
4) Abraham John...... Mennonites......... 25
4) Joeseph Herrmann.. Third Reich......... 25
6) Wolfman Jack....... Werewolves....... 24 1/2
7) Tefnakt.............. Ra.................... 24
Four tied with 23 1/2

Top 3 offenses:

Rushing..........yds

1) Ra.............. 1359
2) Bozos..........1356
3) Toxic Waste.. 1304


Passing............. yds

1) Third Reich... 1261
2) Zombies....... 1142
3) Fairies......... 1061


Total............... yds

1) Bozos............ 2281
2) Third Reich...... 2219
3) Sasqutch....... 2170

Top 3 defensees:

Rush yds allowed

1) Werewolves..... 433
2) Sasquatch....... 778
3) Bozos............. 857


Pass yds allowed

1) Fairies........... 773
2) Zombies ........ 798
3) Third Reich....... 848

Total yds allowed

1) Werewolves....... 1513
2) Sasquatch......... 1710
3) Bozos............... 1729

Al, what type of pass and run methods...
 

are you using?

Reg