Tony,

When I first saw this post I wasn’t going to respond because of the subject but since so many others have, I’m feeling led to now. First let me start by encouraging you to be careful who you let speak into your marriage. And let me say now to everyone who has responded, please don’t take offense to this. Hopefully everyone’s intent was good but Tony really has no way of knowing this for sure. I’m pretty sure you (Tony) don’t know everyone on this board yet you have invited us to share opinions on your wife's behavior regarding your marriage. I know you said that your intent was to not put her out there…but you did. Although we love MF and most of us are good guys you have to remember that this is still a public forum…it may not be as safe as you think. Think about it, if your wife read your initial post she would probably be upset.

I’ll offer this briefly. I encourage you and your wife to sit down and discuss your expectations of each other in your marriage. Figure out what standard you are going to build your marriage on and stick to it. My wife and I chose the Biblical standard. Everything for my wife and I to build our marriage and family on is in God’s word. In Ephesians 5 as husbands we are called to love our wives as Christ loved the church and our wives are called to respect their husbands. Just this one concept alone is huge. On another note Proverbs 25:24 says it’s “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” Now in Biblical days they actually had little rooms on the roofs of their houses so today’s equivalent would be like spending that time in the garage. As an example, since by both my wife and I are committed to building our marriage on the Bible she is able to look at that verse and see how dealing with a quarrelsome wife affects us as husbands and try not to go there. On the other hand I have to ask myself “How am I loving my wife?” and I’m not speaking of the bedroom. That’s the trip thing about it. Men and women are “wired” so differently. I may think I’m showing her much love but she may feel I’m not. So I have to work from how SHE feels not how I feel. It’s a hard word but it’s real and it works. However, it only works because we use the same “rule book”. If someone commits a penalty, they get flagged and we go to the rules.

Find a few cats who you KNOW have your back but who also understand how to have a successful marriage and speak with them privately for encouragement.

In closing, I’ll add this…marriage works…it is work…but it works.

David C.