Here's a conversation I'd like to see.

Chad: I'm not happy here anymore. I can't play for this team.

Marvin Lewis: Ok, Chad, what team would you like to play for?

Chad: I think the PATRIOTS or the CHARGERS are on the right path.

Marvin: (holds out #85 jerseys for CHARGRS ad PATRIOTS) Pick one?

Chad: (smiling) PATRIOTS.

Marvin: Great. Here are your papers. Have a great life and Thanks for all you've done for your country!

Chad: (putting on new jersey while 2 hulking soldiers appear from behind Chad) Huh? What's going on...???

Chad: (wakes up in Amara, Iraq) What the...??? Where the...???

Iraqi Army's Deputy-In-Chief: Rise and shine, Superstar. Nice jersey! GO PATRIOTS! We need you to run "THAT" way and the rest of "US" (points to 100s of Iraqi soldiers) are going to wait until "THEY" (points to Shi'ite militia strongpoint) start shooting at "YOU". Then we'll attack them from their flanks and destroy this nonsense once and for all!

Chad: I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!!! (crying like a little girl!) What are you doing here, Ced? Where's your jersey? (looking at Cedric Benson, who's just wearing a tee-shirt)

Cedric: Nobody picked me up, so they sent me here!

D-I-C: Guess you two should have kept your mouths shut and played football, huh? GO-GO-GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!