The Fantasy Football season.....

[RavennaAl]

Toxic Waste 35 - Zombies 34



The New Zealand players were still shaking their heads, wondering how this game got away from them. In what had to be the most bizarre game ever seen in the WMLMF, the Toxic Waste defense shut out the Zombies in the second half and came from 14 points behind to win, 35 - 34.

The first half was all offense, and for the Zombies, that meant all Marcus Allen as he ran for 199 yards and a record 5 TD’s in the first 2 quarters. The Waste set a record of their own, as both Steve Colbert and Orenthal Simpson returned kick offs back for TD’s, Colbert’s an 87 yard run and Simpson’s a 90 yarder.

Allen started the scoring spree with a 7 yard run. Colbert then returned the kick for his first TD. Marcus scored on the next series from 21 yards out, and added a 22 yarder after Colbert’s fumble on the kick off, giving New Zealand a 21 - 7 lead after one.

The Waste drove 80 yards in 12 plays and made it 21 - 14 on Simpson’s 1 yard catch from George Dubya. Marcus scored from 4 out to make it 27 - 14 as the extra point failed. Simpson returned the following kick for his 2nd TD to trim the lead, 27 - 21. Allens 60 yard run pushed the lead up to 34 - 21. On the last play of the half, Colbert stunned the Zombies with an incredible 53 yard screen pass to make the score, 34 - 28 at halftime.

The second half started with something not seen in the first half….defense! An exchange of punts gave the ball to the Toxic Waste at the Zombies 37, where Jim Baker caught a Dubya pass and outran the Zombie defense to give the Waste a 35 - 34 lead that would turn out to be the final score. The teams continued to exchange punts, and the Zombies had one last chance to score at the end of the 4th quarter, but Adam Vinatieri’s field goal attempt was blocked by Jessie ‘The Reverend’ Jackson, giving the Waste an improbable win.

Marcius Allen finished the day with 217 yards rushing and Jerome Bettis added 82 yards on 13 carries. Fouts and Starr combined for 6 - 10 - 0 passing for 96 yards. Dubya had a terrific day for Three Mile, throwing 8 - 9 - 0 for 155 yards and 3 TD’s, and Colbert ran for 64 yards on 13 carries. Defensively, the Zombies were led by Willie Davis’ 4 tackles while Carlos Helu led the Waste with 5.

Dick Nixon's fierce hit on Bob Hayes knocked him over, caussing this 3rd quarter fumble, recovered by the Waste.

[RavennaAl]

Sasquatch 21 - Killer Bees 14


First place in the North Division was on the line when the 1-0 Canadian Sasquatch faced off with the 1-0 Kalamazoo Killer Bees. The big guys from up north used their one-two punch of Grog and Muckman to overpower the Bees, and their mammoth defensive line held Kalamazoo to 54 yards rushing as the ‘Quatch remained the only undefeated team in the WMLMF with a 21 - 14 win.

The game started off with Bees free safety, Norman Nest, intercepting a Stinkwater pass, giving the Bees good field position at their 40. The Sasquatch defense forced a three and out, and Grog capped off an 8 play, 72 yard drive with his 5th rushing TD of the year to put the Canadians on top, 7-0. After another three and out, Grog and Muckman drove the ball to the Bees 4 yard line, where a personal foul negated a fine TD run by seldom used tail back, Trotter. The normally sure footed Bunyons then missed a 37 yard field goal attempt, giving the Bees the ball at their 27. It only took 4 plays for Kerry Kingbee to find an open Jason Stinger for a 30 yard score to tie the game. The tie was short lived when Muckman rambled 56 yards to put the ‘Quatch up, 14-7. Kingbee’s 60 yard strike to Afri Canized had Kalamazoo in field goal range, but Paul Inated missed an easy 30 yarder as the half ended as the kickers on both sides seemed to be having trouble making their kicks.

The 3rd quarter was a defensive gem as neither team moved the ball much. Mudd Dauber’s interception gave the Bees the ball as the 4th quarter started. Kingbee wasted little time and found a wide open George B. Hive for a 50 yard score to tie the game at 14 all. Trotter came in for an injured Muckman, and picked up a crucial first down to keep the Canadian drive alive and Grog scored his league leading 6th rushing TD to put the Bigfoot team back on top, 21-14. The Bees had one last chance to try and tie the game, but the Sasquatch defense put too much pressure on Kingbee and Kalamazoo turned the ball over on downs, where Stinkwater simply ran out he clock.

Muckman and Grog combined for 251 yards rushing and all 3 scores, while Kalamazoo’s Kingbee was 9-14-0 for 185 yards and a 2 TD’s. Defensively, Dauber and Dave Drone led the Bees with 4 tackles each, while Chappy led the ’Quatch with 3.


Kingbee connects with George Hive on this 50 yard TD bomb

[RavennaAl]

Bozos 31 - Third Reich 24


The Bozos used a combination of a timely interception by Plus, and key plays by a couple of reserve players to top the Third Reich, 31-24. 5 ½ led the clowns with 94 yards rushing on 3 carries and a TD and seldom used ! returned a punt 78 yards for a score to even their record at 1-1.

Munich opened the scoring in the 1st quarter when Franz Schultz hit a 37 yard field goal. The Bozos struck right back on Target’s 4 yard TD catch from Pi. Wilhelm Klink’s 9 yard pass to Richard Meier at the end of the first gave the Reich a 10 - 7 lead. Defenses took over in the 2nd as neither team was able to move the ball much. !’s punt return was the only score and the clowns led 14-10 at the half.

Munich got the ball to start the second half and Klink guided them on a 7 play, 78 yard drive that ended with Meier’s 17 yard TD run, giving the Germans the lead, 17-14. More or Less responded with a 59 yard run that put the clowns up for good, 21-17. Bernie tacked on another 3 points with his 49 yard field goal extending the clown’s lead to 24-17 at the end of 3.

After forcing the Reich to punt, 5 ½ ran around the left end for a 58 yard score and a 31-17 lead. Klink led his team on a 82 yard, 7 play drive and scored on a 1 yard run, cutting the lead to 31-24. The Germans had one more chance after forcing a punt, but Plus’ interception sealed the game and gave Battle Creek it’s first victory of the season.

Meier ran for 116 yards on 14 carries and a score, while Klink was 8-14-1 for 130 yards and a TD. More or Less added 82 yards and a TD for the Bozos. Wolfgang Hahn had an interception for Munich, while Albert Burkhalter was the leading tackler with 4. One Eleven had 6 tackles to lead the clowns.

Meier, #34, scores from 17 yards out for Munich early in the second half

[RavennaAl]

Standings after the second 'week'

NORTH
TEAM ..... W/L............ PF............ PA
Sasquatch 2 - 0......... 63............ 52
Killer Bees.. 1 - 1......... 49............. 49
Bozos...... 1 - 1........ 59............ 59
Third Reich 0 - 2........ 62............ 73

UN_NORTH
Zombies..... 1 - 1........... 55.......... 52
Fairies....... 1 - 1........... 56.......... 58
Mennonites. 1 - 1........... 58.......... 45
Toxic Waste 1 - 1........... 56......... . 58

[RavennaAl]

Stats after second 'week' of play

Leading Rushers

......Player ............... Team............. Yards/Att....... Ave....... Tds

1) Grog................ Sasquatch......... 400 / 29....... 13.8....... 6
2) Muckman........... Sasquatch........ 274 / 24....... 11.4....... 3
3) Speedy Ezekiel... Mennonites ....... 246 / 23....... 10.7....... 3
4) Marcus Allen…... Zombies………...... 236 / 20.…... 11.8.…... 5
5) Steve Swarm..... Killer Bees ........ 219 / 19....... 11.5....... 1
6) Luthar Lamp…... Mennonites……... 154 / 20...…… 7.7.…..… 1
7) Richard Meier… Third Reich….....… 148 / 23.….... 6.4.…..… 1
8) Peter Pollen....... Killer Bees ........ 141 / 21....... 6.7....... 3
9) Jerome Bettis..... Zombies............. 139 / 25....... 5.6....... 1
10) 5 ½………...….… Bozos……….......... 127 / 6.….... 21.2.….... 2

Passing Leaders

..........Player...........Team .......... Comp - Att - Int - TD’s... Yards

1) Wilhelm Klink.... Third Reich....... 18 - 27 - 3..... 5 TD’s..... 436 yds
2) Tommy Cruise... Fairies............ 20 - 26 -2..... 4 TD’s..... 390 yds
3) Billybob Weisser Mennonites ..... 14 - 24 - 0..... 4 TD‘s........ 306 yds
6) Kerry Kingbee.. Killer Bees....... 14 - 22 - 2..... 3 TD‘s........ 283 yds
7) George Dubya .. Toxic Waste... 13 - 19 - 2..... 4 TD‘s..... 219 yds
5) Starr/Fouts **... Zombies........ 11 -1 6 - 0..... 0 TD’s..... 211 yds
4) Pi................... Bozos............. 7 - 14 - 3..... 2 TD‘s........ 142 yds
8) Stinkwater....... Sasquatch....... 8 - 14 - 3..... 0 TD’s..... 116 yds

** The Zombies alternate QB's during the course of the game between Bart Starr and Dan Fouts

Leading Receivers

Player ................. Team........... Catches - yards... TD’s

1) Willie Wolf........... Third Reich... 5 - 177...... 2 TD’s
2) George B. Hive..... Killer Bees..... 4- 165...... 2 TD’s
3) Gene Simmons..... Fairies.......... 5 - 122...... 1 TD
4) James Leach……... Fairies…….... 4 - 117.…. 2 TD’s
5) Target................ Bozos.......... 4 - 115...... 2 TD’s
6) Speedy Ezekiel..... Mennonites.. 4 - 113...... 1 TD
7) Mudder Smucker.. Mennonites.. 6 - 113.…. 1 TD
8) Steve Colbert…… Toxic Waste… 5 - 107.… 1 TD
9) Dieter Zimmerman. Third Reich... 5 - 100...... 2 TD’s
10) Antoine Devries… Fairies…....… 3 - 73.….. 1 TD


Sacks

Player............ Team....... #

1) Charles Mann Zombies 1
2) Doug Drone Killer Bees 1
3) Defender Bender Mennonites 1


Interceptions

Player....... Team...... #

1) Norman Nest Killer Bees 3
Twelve tied with 1


Leading Tackles

Player............... Team......... # Tackles

1) Tank.................... Sasquatch... 9
1) Willie Brown.......... Zombies....... 9
1) Carlos Helu……… Toxic Waste….... 9
1) One Eleven………. Bozos…………..…. 9
5) Dirk Lange............. Third Reich... 8
5) Dick Wanker.......... Fairies......... 8
5) Sam Smucker……. Mennonites.... 8
5) Rod Stroker……… Fairies……....…. 8
Four tied with 7 1/2

[Silverhorse 228]

Okay...I read all the game summaries and here is my list of the cool stuff.

1. The Menniotes in both home and away jerseys.
2. The Fairies and their "shorty-shorts".
3. The high scoring games!
4. Steve Swarm of the Killer Bees for league MVP.
5. The fact that the Toxic Waste beat the Zombies and nobody had body parts fall off!
6. Does Wilhelm Klink where a monocal?
7. Where is Schultz from Hogan's Heros...he would make a good lineman.

Things I don't like.

1. When my Team...the Killer Bees loses!!!!!!!

Keep the updates coming Al...how about a group team shot for each team. You could have little barrels of waste around the Toxic Waste...Mennoites on the farm...Killer Bees in a honey comb....Zombies in a grave yard and the Reich marching in a parade!!!!

[RavennaAl]

Matt, just for you, here's the Killer Bees roster...

Killer Bees

Offense: .............................. Defense:

16 Jason Stinger WR ........ 7 Hank Hornet RCB
17 Kerry Kingbee QB........ 12 Willie Wasp LCB
22 Sam Swarm RB........ 41 Buzz Baker SS
23 Steve Swarm RB........ 45 Norman Nest FS
33 Peter Pollen RB........ 52 Larry Larvae LLB
40 Nick Nectar RB........ 57 Dave Drone RLB
56 Fred Worker RT........ 65 Jerry Yellowjacket RDE
58 Nate Vespa RG........ 66 Mudd Dauber LDE
59 Hank Honeywell OC........ 77 Doug Drone MLB
67 Joe Honeycomb LT........ 86 Harry Hybrid MLB
68 Jim B. Keeper LG........ 90 John Belushi LDT
80 Afri Canized TE........ 91 Garrett Morris NT
88 George B. Hive WR........ 92 Elliott Gould RDT

1 Paul Inated K

Kilnk doesn't use his monocal during the game, he wears a contact
and Schultz is on the Third Reich team. He is the left offensive guard, of course, #57

I'll see what I can do about the team pics, I like your ideas there.

Al,

You are the king of creativity here. Majorly well done!!!

[RavennaAl]

Thanks Brian. Just curious, do you have a favorite team?

Next 'weeks' games and odds:

Week 3

Bozos (+2) vs. Sasquatch

Zombies vs. Flaming Fairies (even)

Killer Bees (-7)vs. Third Reich

Toxic Waste (+3) vs. Mennonites

Originally Posted by RavennaAl

Thanks Brian. Just curious, do you have a favorite team?

Well, since I'm a Baptist minister and I have studied a lot about Mennonites, I think The Fightin' Mennonites is probably the pick. Those bible verses on their jerseys just crack me up. I think they are all great, though! Keep it up!