The WMLMF is under way.....

[RavennaAl]

Fairies Shock Zombies

Johnny Holmes’ 91 yard kick return for a TD late in the 4th quarter stunned New Zealand as San Francisco won it’s first game of the year, 38-35. The two teams battled like a couple of heavy height fighters as the first half ended in a 14 all draw. The Fairies took a 10 point lead midway through the third quarter on a couple of Zombie turnovers - a Curtis Martin fumble and a Bart Star interception. Martin’s TD run and a James Lofton TD reception, sandwiched around a Holmes score, had the Zombies trailing by 3 going into the 4th quarter.

A Dan Fouts pass to Billy ‘White Shoes’ Johnson gave New Zealand a first and goal at the 1. Fouts then snuck it in for a 35-31 lead, but Holmes’ TD return quickly changed things around. Star rallied his team to the Fairy 20 yard line, but Adam Vinatieri’s field goal attempt was blocked, preserving the win for San Francisco. Star and Fouts combined for 11-18-1 passing for 220 yards and a touchdown. James Leach had 65 yards rushing and a couple of scores for the Fairies. Richard Simmons led the Fairy defense with 4 ½ tackles and an interception. Merlin Olsen, Alan Page and Charles Mann each had 3 ½ tackles for the Zombies.



Marcus Allen #32 finds an opening in the line

[RavennaAl]

Oh Canada!

The Canadian Sasquatch kept their record perfect as they rolled the Bozos, 45-28. Grog ran for 82 yards on 10 carries and a TD, while Stinkwater was an efficient 7-11-0 for 97 yards and 2 TD’s

The clowns kept the game close in the first half with a suffocating defnese. The ‘Quatch scored first on a punt return for a touchdown by Flowers. On the Bozos ensuing possession, 5 ½ fumbled the ball away, giving the big guys excellent field position at the clowns 32 yard line. Stinkwater’s 1 yard TD plunge made it 14-0. More or Less got Battle Creek on the board with a big 73 yard TD run. 2 Cents recovered a fumble by One Point Four and ran it in to make it 17-14 Sasquatch at the half.

The second half opened with a bang when One Point Four got his first TD catch of the year on a 63 yard bomb from Pi. The clowns then made the biggest mistake of the game by performing an end zone celebration that seemed to infuriate the team from up north. The defending league champs responded by scoring 4 straight touchdowns, blocking a punt and an interception giving them a commanding 45-21 lead late in the 4th quarter. Pi’s 41 yard QB scamper was the final score of the day. Greaterthanfour led the Bozo defense with 5 tackles, while Ralph was tops for the ‘Quatch with 5 tackles and an interception.


2 Cents finds a huge hole in the Sasquatch defense

[RavennaAl]

Holy Moses!

Moses clearly had his best game as a pro, throwing 10-15-1 for 138 yards and 3 touchdowns, as the Ra stunned the Werewloves, 28-21. Egypt’s head coach, Cleopatra, pulled Moses from the week’s practices, and instead sent him to Mount Sinai. Seeking help from his poor QB ratings, Moses climbed into the mountain, where he met God, who gave him the eleventh commandment, “Thou shalt not throw into double coverage” It was great advice, as Moses was a perfect 6-6 and 2 touchdowns in the first half as the Ra built a 21-7 lead.

Both defenses played tough, as neither team could do much until midway in the 4th quarter, when Akhenaten caught a short pass from Moses, and a 28-7 Ra lead. The Wolves then came alive, and Jack Nicholson’s TD run closed the gap to 28-14. The dog men then recovered the onsides kick, and a 26 yard TD catch by Oz had the Ra nervous. The Werewolves recovered another onsides kick, but an interception by Horus brought an end to the game. Nicholson had 2 TD runs on 64 yards, while Imhotep had 62 yards for Egypt. Peter Wolf was tops on defense for Weirdwolf’s team with 6 tackles and a sack, while Tefnakt was a monster for the Ra with 8 tackles.




The Ra pass defense constantly had the Wolves covered

[styx]

whats up al,besides the sky, after each of your seasons you do pick a all-star team right, or a all-madd team

[RavennaAl]

Phil, last year I had the offensive and defensive players of the year and the league MVP. I hadn't thought about an all-star team, but I might just do that with each division and play a game between the two. Sounds like fun. Thanks for the idea.

Now, here's the standings after 4 weeks...




Standings:

North Division ........... W ...... L .... OL..... PF ..... PA

Canadian Sasquatch...... 4...... 0...... 0...... 131...... 87

Munich Third Reich......... 3...... 1...... 0...... 115...... 82

Weirdwolf Werewolves.... 2...... 2...... 0...... 104...... 76

Battlin’ Bozos................ 2...... 2...... 0...... 105..... 108

Kalamazoo Killer Bees...... 1...... 3...... 0...... 93...... 112




Un-North Division ....... W...... L...... OL.... PF...... PA

Midwest Mennonites....... 3...... 1...... 0...... 101....... 89

Egyptian Ra................... 2...... 2..... 1...... 101...... 122

New Zealand Zombies ..... 1...... 3...... 0..... 136...... 142

Toxic Waste.................. 1...... 3...... 0...... 105...... 139

Flaming Fairies............... 1...... 3...... 1...... 115...... 139

[RavennaAl]

I’ve had a few inquiries about how the teams rate offensively and defensively. From here on I will have the top 3 teams for offense rushing yards, passing yards and total yards, as well as the top 3 defenses for yards allowed rushing, passing and total. Here’s the stats after 4 weeks….


Leading Rushers

......Player ............... Team............. Yards/Att....... Ave....... Tds

1) Grog................ Sasquatch......... 438 / 52....... 8.4....... 6
2) Orenthal Simpson. Toxic Waste..... 409 / 33...... 12.4...... 8
3) Johnny Holmes…... Fairies………...... 390 / 41.…... 9.5…..... 6
4) 2 Cents…........... Bozos................359 / 45....... 6.0....... 3
5) Jack Nicholson….. Werewolves…….. 331 / 50.…….. 6.6.…….. 7
6) More or Less...... Bozos............... 268 / 19...... 14.1...... 3
7) Speedy Ezekiel... Mennonites ....... 264 / 47....... 5.6....... 6
8) Sven Wagner.... Third Reich......... 243 - 24....... 10.1....... 5
9) Muckman.......... Sasquatch........ 238 - 38......... 6.3........ 4
10) Curtis Martin……. Zombies………... 237 / 29.…..…. 8.2.…….. 4



Passing Leaders

..........Player...........Team ........ Comp - Att - Int - TD’s... Yards ….. Rating


1) Starr/Fouts **... Zombies........ 33 -57 - 4....... 7 TD’s..... 764 yds…. 112.8
2) Wilhelm Klink.... Third Reich....... 29 - 52 - 3..... 2 TD’s..... 660 yds..… 89.4
3) Tommy Cruise... Fairies............ 28 - 51 -1..... 3 TD’s...... 519 yds…. 101.7
4) Pi................... Bozos............. 27 - 48 - 2..... 5 TD‘s...... 504 yds…. 110.1
5) Billybob Weisser Mennonites ..... 23 - 45 - 2..... 4 TD‘s...... 489 yds..…. 101.1
6) Stinkwater....... Sasquatch....... 28 - 47 - 1..... 4 TD’s..... 461 yds….. 112.1
7) Moses……….....… Ra…………...….. 31 - 56 - 7.…. 3 TD’s…..… 458 yds….. 60.6
8) Warren Moon….. Werewolves….. 28 - 52 - 7.….. 3 TD…..... 441 yds….. 61.9
9) Kerry Kingbee.. Killer Bees......... 24 - 49 - 8..... 6 TD‘s...... 411 yds….. 77.8..
10) George Dubya .. Toxic Waste... 15 - 33 - 5..... 1 TD‘s....... 286 yds…... 46.6

** The Zombies alternate QB's during the course of the game between Bart Starr and Dan Fouts

Leading Receivers

Player ................. Team........... Catches - yards... TD’s

1) Willie Wolf........... Third Reich..... 12 - 359...... 1 TD’s
2) Richard Meier..... Third Reich....... 11 - 244...... 0 TD
3) Jason Stinger..... Killer Bees........ 7- 229........ 6 TD’s
4) Target............... Bozos............. 9 - 197...... 2 TD's
5) Curtis Martin....... Zombies…........ 9 - 167...... 1 TD's
6) Oz..................... Werewolves..... 7 - 162...... 1 TD
7) Tim Brown........... Zombies.......... 5 - 159...... 1 TD
8) Johnny Holmes..... Fairies............ 6 - 153...... 1 TD
8) Xerxes................ Ra…............... 6 - 153...... 0 TD’s
10) Steve Austin...... Mennonites....... 4 - 151..... 1 TD


Sacks

Player................ Team....... #

1) Wolfman Jack...... Werewolves. 3
2) Charles Mann...... Zombies...... 2
2) Albert Burkhalter... Third Reich.. 2
2) Deacon Jones...... Zombies..... 2
2) Nectanebo.......... Ra............... 2
Twenty two tied with 1


Interceptions

Player....... Team...... #

1) Bud Weisser...... Mennonites 3
1) Wolf Blitzer....... Werewolves 3
3) Jack Nicholson.. Werewolves 2
3) Dirk Lange........ Third Reich 2
3) Gopher............ Sasquatch 2
3) Willie Wasp...... Killer Bees 2
3) Chappy........... Sasquatch 2
3) Manfred Mann... Third Reich 2
3) Michael J. Fox... Werewolves 2



Leading Tackles

Player............... Team......... # Tackles

1) Elliott Gould.......... Killer Bees.......... 20
2) Joseph Herrmann... Third Reich......... 18
3) Richard Simmons... Fairies............... 17 1/2
4) Albert Burkhalter... Third Reich......... 16 1/2
5) Ralph.................. Sasquatch......... 16
6) Colon Powell........ Toxic Waste........ 15 1/2
6) Norman Nest........ Killer Bees......... 15 1/2
8) Jerry Yellowjacket. Killer Bees.......... 14 1/2
8) Tefnakt.............. Ra.................... 14 1/2
10) Barney Frank........ Fairies............... 12

Top 3 offenses:

Rushing..........yds

1) Bozos..........843
2) Sasquatch.. 801
2) Ra............. 690


Passing............. yds

1) Zombies....... 764
2) Third Reich... 660
3) Fairies......... 519


Total............... yds

1) Zombies......... 1439
2) Bozos............ 1347
3) Sasqutch....... 1262

Top 3 defensees:

Rush yds allowed

1) Werewolves..... 274
2) Sasquatch....... 452
3) Mennonites...... 509


Pass yds allowed

1) Zombies........... 303
2) Bozos............... 374
3) Third Reich........ 388


Total yds allowed

1) Werewolves....... 669
2) Bozos............... 962
3) Sasquatch......... 1022

[RavennaAl]

Here’s the list of games for week 5 and odds….

Werewolves at Mennonites: The Amish running game still hasn’t come together, bad news since they are facing the number one rated defense against the run. The Wolves were manhandled last week, look for them to rebound against a Mennonite team that still hasn’t performed up to last years team. Wolves by a touchdown.

Fairies at Killer Bees: San Francisco finally got into the win column. Their run game has been consistent. Kalamazoo is angrier than a hive full of hornets after losing another game they feel they should have won. Cruise and co. will be swarmed over. Bees by 6 points.

Zombies at Third Reich: New Zealand brings the top offense in the league. The Reich has a new weapon in Sven Warner, who has only played for 1 ½ games and has moved up to #8 in the league in rushing. Together with ‘Colonel’ Klink, Munich has become a dangerous team. Germans by 8 points

Toxic Waste at Battlin’ Bozos: The Bozos have the number one rushing team in the league. Simpson has been carrying the load for Three Mile Island. Not a good sign, stop Simpson and you stop the Waste. Bozos are a touchdown better.

Ra at Sasquatch: The big guys from up north keep rambling on. Egypt surprised everyone with a dominating effort against a much bigger and stronger Wolf team. Can they do it 2 weeks in a row? The magic eight ball says ‘No way!” The ‘Quatch put the Ra back in the sand box by 10 points.

[RavennaAl]

The 5th week is done and the season is 1/2 over. Here's the results.....

Bozos Win By A Nose

Fidel Castro’s missed extra point attempt was the difference in a game that featured huge momentum shifts. Battle Creek overcame a disastrous game by their QB, Pi, to pull out a 35-34 victory as their defense limited Orenthal Simpson to just 42 yards rushing for the game.

Three Mile Island broke out to a quick 14-0 lead on a short TD run by Simpson and Jim Baker’s 23 yard TD reception. The clowns then reeled off 28 unanswered points on a TD catch by Pisces, and TD runs by 5 ½, 2 Cents and More or Less. Simpson’s 2nd TD run of the day brought the Waste within 7, 28-21. The Bozos responded with a little trickery and seldom used running back ! ran a reverse 23 yards to push the lead to 35-21. George Dubya connected with Terry Owens to make it a 7 point game, 35-28. On the last play of the game, Dubya hit Baker on a slant for a 37 yard score to make it 35-34, but Castro missed the kick that would have sent the game to overtime.

Dubya finished the game 12-17-2 for 263 yards and 3 TD’s for the Waste. 2 Cents ran for 138 yards and a TD and More or Less rushed for 111 and a score as well. Colon Powell had 7 tackles to lead Three Mile Island, while Dice Six had 3 tackles and a sack for Battle Creek.



Jim Baker, #17, scores on a pass reception to make it 14-0 Toxic Waste early in the 1st quarter

[RavennaAl]

Fairies Get Stung By Wasp and Bees

Willie Wasp picked off 3 Tommy Cruise passes, and the Kalamazoo defense held San Francisco to only a field goal through 3 quarters, as the Killer Bees kept their playoff hopes alive with a 30-17 thrashing of the Flaming Fairies.

Kerry Kingbee ran a QB sneak at the end of the 1st quarter to give the Bees a 10-3 lead. Paul Inated’s 2nd field goal of the game bumped the lead to 13-3 at the half. Going with their 2nd string running backs to replace their ineffective starters, Kalamazoo scored 14 points in the 3rd on TD runs by Nick Nectar and Sam Swarm. The Fairies tried to rally in the 4th and closed the gap on a TD run by James Leach and a TD reception by Mike Jackson. The Bees recovered the onsides kick and Inated kicked his 3rd field goal of the game to close out the scoring. Cruise finished the day 7-18-3 for147 yards and a TD, while his counterpart, Kingbee, was 6-8-0 for 123 yards. George Bush had 4 ½ tackles to lead the Fairies, while Mudd Dauber had 3 ½ tackles and a sack for Kalamazoo.



Mudd Dauber fights his way through 3 blockers to register this sack on Tommy Cruise

[RavennaAl]

Ra Men Use Their Noodles, Beat Sasquatch

Egypt spotted the defending champs 10 points, then shut them down for the rest of the game as the Ra handed Canada it’s first defeat of the season, 17-10. Egypt’s defense throttled the Sasquatch running game, holding Grog, the leagues leading rusher, to 29 yards. Muckman didn’t fare much better, getting just 36 yards and the ‘Quatch’s only TD of the game.

The Canadians jumped out to a quick 10-0 lead on Muckman’s TD run and a Bunyons field goal. The Ra tied it up with a 63 yard TD run by Khnum and a Sphinx field goal midway through the 2nd quarter. Ramesses ran for a 12 yard TD late in the 4th quarter for the final score.

Both teams struggled offensively. Moses threw 5-9-2 for 108 yards while Stinkwater was 15-22-0 for 216 yards. Khafra led the Ra defense with 6 ½ tackles and a sack, while Thinker had 2 interceptions for the Bigfoot’s.



Muckman, #21, takes this shovel pass in early action