The Fantasy Football season.....

[RavennaAl]

There was an air of uncertainty surrounding the game, as neither team had played an actual game before. Fans weren’t sure what to expect, but as it turned out, they needed not worry as the game proved to be exciting right to the end.

The Mennonites received the opening kick at their 23 yd line. Two running plays netted no gain, and on third down Charles Mann welcomed Billy Bob Weisser by sacking him for a 6 yard loss. The Zombies then unleashed a ferocious rush to block the punt and set themselves up with a first and goal at the Mennonites 9. On third down, Curtis “My Favorite” Martin was stopped just inches from the goal line. Displaying an air of confidence, the Zombies went for it on fourth down, but this time Martin was pinned for a 4 yard loss by Sam Smucker. Taking over on downs, ‘Bible Thumper’ Weisser guided his team out to midfield, where Speedy Ezekiel took a short screen pass 50 yards for the first TD in Amish history and a 7 point lead. Using their unique combination of dual QB’s, the Zombies took the ball out near midfield.

As the second quarter started, on 3rd and 14, Bart Starr, finding nobody open, scrambled for 25 yards to give the Zombies new life. On the next play, Martin found a large hole on the right side of the Mennonites defense and ran 37 yards for the Zombies first score and a 7 - 7 tie. The next drive for the Amish guys stalled and the Zombies took over at their 36. Once again Starr led his team down the field and on 3rd and goal from the 7, Martin found an opening and scored, putting the Zombies up 14 - 7 at the half.

New Zealand got the ball to open the second half. It was a penalty filled drive that was helped by a roughing the kicker call against the Mennonites, but the Amish stood tough and forced the Zombies to punt. Taking over at their 21, ‘Bible Thumper’ completed 3 passes in a row. The Zombies put on a strong goal line stand and Mathew ’Mule’ Martin kicked a 28 yard field goal to cut the lead 14 - 10.

As the fourth quarter started, Dan Fouts showed why he is also in the pro football HOF and connected with Jerome Bettis on a 63 yard pass that gave the Zombies a first and goal at the 1. It only took Bettis 1 play to score and put the team from down under back up 21 - 10. Speedy proved to be just that, as he ran 43 yards to tighten the lead 21 - 17. The Zombies tried to run out the clock, but a tough Amish defense stood it’s ground and ‘Bible Thumper’ had one last chance to get his team in scoring position. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough time as the drive ended at their 40, giving the Zombies the first win in New Zealand’s history.

Billy Bob finished the game 8 - 15 - 0 with 1 TD and Ezekiel had 104 yards rushing on 9 carries with 1 TD to lead the Mennonites. For the Zombies, Fouts and Starr combined for 5 - 6 - 0 and 115 yards. Bettis had 57 yards on 12 carries with 1TD while Martin finished the day with 41 yards on 9 carries and a TD.


Speedy Ezekiel, Proverbs 22:1, scores the first Mennonite TD on this perfectly executed screen pass

[RavennaAl]

This was the game south Michigan fans had been waiting for, Battle Creek vs. Kalamazoo, Bozos vs. Killer Bees. The game started off with the Bozos getting the ball at their own 15 yard line. On the third play from scrimmage, 2 Cents ran 24 yards out to the 49, where he immediately dropped the ball and the Bees recovered. It only took 1 run by Steve Swarm to show that their new TTC ‘s were a huge improvement over last years bases, as the Bees blew the Bozos off the line and Swarm ran 49 yards to put the Bees on top 7 - 0. A good return set the clowns up at the 39, but again 2 Cents fumbled the ball at the exact same spot and the Bees were back in business at the Bozo 49. Kerry Kingbee found a wide open George B. Hive, and Hive outran the Bozo defense to the end zone and suddenly it was 14 - 0 Kalamazoo. A 3 and out gave the ball back to the Bees, but on 2nd down Left U-Turn intercepted Kingbee’s pass giving Battle Creek the ball at the Killer Bees 32. A few plays later, Norman Nest returned the favor and picked off Pi’s pass, setting Kalamazoo up with a first down at their own 41. On the ensuing play, Peter Pollen got some terrific blocks and ran 59 yards to stun the Bozos and give the Bees a commanding 21 - 0 lead, and the quarter wasn’t even over yet.

Any lesser team would have walked off the field with their heads down, but not these clowns. They don’t call them the Battlin’ Bozos for nothing, for battle back they did. Benching More or Less because of his poor play, Slappy O’Flaherty went to little used 5 ½, who responded in a huge way with a 89 yard TD return. The clowns defense stiffened on the Bees next possession and forced a punt. Showing his disapproval of his benching, More or Less ripped off a 90 yard punt return for a TD and suddenly it was a game again at 21 - 14. A big 55 yard run by Swarm put the Bees into field goal range, but on 4th down Paul Inated shanked the kick, giving the clowns the ball back. Pi guided the Bozos out to midfield, but Nest made his second pick of the game to end the half with the Bees out in front, 21 - 14.

The Killer Bees received the kick to start the second half, but on the first play, One Eleven, the Bozos stellar defensive tackle, made a once in a lifetime interception giving Battle Creek the ball at Kalamazoo’s 46. On the 4th play of the drive, 5 ½ scooted 30 yards to tie the game at 21 all. The Bees drove the ball on a 10 play drive, but had to settle for a field goal attempt that sailed right. The clowns couldn’t move the ball and had to give it back to the Bees to start the 4th quarter.

A 5 play drive that was highlighted by a 25 yard pass to Afri Canized ended with a 7 yard TD run by Pollen, giving the Bees the lead, 28 - 21. It only took 2 plays for the Bozos to tie it up again, this time on a 57 yard TD pass from Pi to Target, the clowns all-star tight end. The Bees came right back, and 5 plays later Swarm scored on a 20 yard run to put the Bees on top once again, 35 - 28. A great kick return by 5 ½ and a 37 pass to Target gave the Bozos a first and goal at the Bees 2, but the Killer Bees showed a killer instinct and their goal line stand held still to give them a 35 - 28 victory.

Swarm ran for 169 yards on 13 carries and a TD while Pollen had 135 yards on 14 carries and 3 TD’s to lead the Bees. The Bozos were led by Target, who had 111 yards on 3 receptions and 1 TD. Defensively, the Bees were led by Nest’s 2 interceptions and Jerry Yellowjacket’s 5 tackles. The Bozos’ Left U-Turn and One Eleven each had an interception while Smilie and Greaterthanfour had 5 tackles apiece.

5 1/2 takes it to the house on this 89 yard kick off return for a TD

[RavennaAl]

Standings after the first 'week'

NORTH
TEAM ..... W/L............ PF............ PA
Sasquatch 1 - 0......... 42............ 38
Killer Bees.. 1 - 0......... 35............. 28
Bozos...... 0 - 1........ 28............ 35
Third Reich 0 - 1........ 38............ 42

UN_NORTH
Zombies..... 1 - 0........... 21.......... 17
Fairies....... 1 - 0........... 24.......... 21
Mennonites. 0 - 1........... 17.......... 21
Toxic Waste 0 - 1........... 21......... . 24

[RavennaAl]

Leading Rushers

......Player ............... Team............. Yards/Att....... Ave....... Tds

1) Grog................ Sasquatch......... 287 / 18....... 15.9....... 4
2) Steve Swarm..... Killer Bees ........ 169 / 13....... 13.0....... 1
3) Muckman........... Sasquatch........ 136 / 12....... 11.3....... 2
4) Peter Pollen....... Killer Bees ........ 135 / 14....... 9.6....... 3
5) Speedy Ezekiel... Mennonites ....... 104 / 9....... 11.6....... 1
6) 2 Cents.............. Bozos............. 59 / 12....... 4.9......... 0
7) Jerome Bettis..... Zombies............. 57 / 12....... 4.8....... 1
8) Orenthal Simpson Toxic Waste....... 53 / 13....... 4.1....... 1
9) James Leach .... Fairies............... 50 / 15....... 3.3 ....... 0
10) Curtis Martin ... Zombies............. 41 / 9....... 4.6 ....... 1


Passing Leaders

..........Player...........Team .......... Comp - Att - Int - TD’s... Yards

1) Wilhelm Klink.... Third Reich....... 10 - 13 - 2..... 4 TD’s..... 306 yds
2) Tommy Cruise... Fairies............ 11 - 13 -1..... 2 TD’s..... 183 yds
3) Billybob Weisser Mennonites ..... 8 - 15 - 0..... 1 TD........ 142 yds
4) Pi................... Bozos............. 4 - 8 - 2..... 1 TD........ 121 yds
5) Starr/Fouts **... Zombies.......... 5 - 6 - 0..... 0 TD’s..... 115 yds
6) Kerry Kingbee.. Killer Bees....... 5 - 8 - 2..... 1 TD........ 98 yds
7) George Dubya .. Toxic Waste... 5 - 10 - 2..... 1 TD..... 64 yds
8) Stinkwater....... Sasquatch..... 3 - 6 - 1..... 0 TD’s..... 45 yds

** The Zombies alternate QB's during the course of the game between Bart Starr and Dan Fouts

Leading Receivers

Player ................. Team........... Catches - yards... TD’s

1) Willie Wolf........... Third Reich... 4 - 142...... 2 TD’s
2) Gene Simmons..... Fairies.......... 4 - 117...... 1 TD
3) Target................ Bozos.......... 3 - 111...... 1 TD
4) Speedy Ezekiel..... Mennonites.. 3 - 100...... 1 TD
5) Dieter Zimmerman. Third Reich... 4 - 96...... 2 TD’s
6) Jerome Bettis....... Zombies...... 1 - 63...... 0 TD’s
7) George B. Hive..... Killer Bees..... 2 - 55...... 1 TD
8) Fritz Mueller........ Third Reich... 1 - 54...... 0 TD’s
9) Afri Canized........ Killer Bees.... 2 - 35...... 0 TD’s
10) Terry Owens.... Toxic Waste... 2 - 32...... 1 TD


Sacks

Player............ Team....... #

1) Charles Mann Zombies 1
2) Doug Drone Killer Bees 1


Interceptions

Player....... Team...... #

1) Norman Nest Killer Bees 2
Eight tied with 1


Leading Tackles

Player............... Team......... # Tackles

1) Tank.................... Sasquatch... 6 ½
2) Dirk Lange............. Third Reich... 6
2) Dick Wanker.......... Fairies......... 6
2) Willie Brown.......... Zombies....... 6
5) Greaterthanfour..... Bozos.......... 5
5) Smilie.................. Bozos............ 5
5) Louis Lapp............. Mennonites... 5
5) Jerry Yellowjacket .. Killer Bees..... 5
9) Colon Powell.......... Toxic Waste... 4 ½
9) Dick Cheney.......... Toxic Waste... 4 ½

I love this! Nice to see you adding a healthy dose of humor into your games! Great post.

[RavennaAl]

I'm glad you like reading about it so far. This is the first time I've taken on something of this magnitude before. The games are taking longer than I expected, and trying to gather up all the stats takes a lot of my spare time as well. I know there are some Bozo and Sasquatch fans around, a good friend of mine who lives just a couple of blocks away likes the Fairies, and I've also heard from some Killer Bee and Mennonite supporters. The games are being played out with as little favoritism as possible, so the teams are really winning or losing on their own. The results so far have been surprising, to say the least. I have no clue as to who will win it all. I just hope I'm not boring everyone to death. Now, that being said, here's the odds for next 'weeks' games......

Sasquatch (-3) vs. Killer Bees

Bozos (-2) vs. Third Reich

Flaming Fairies (-6) vs. Mennonites

Toxic Waste (+7) vs. Zombies

Stay tuned...

[RavennaAl]

Mennonites 41 - Fairies 24



The Midwest Mennonites won their first game in impressive fashion as they set a WMLMF record, holding the Fairies to minus 10 yards rushing. Led by Billy Bob Weisser’s near perfect passing and a balanced rushing attack, the Mennonites routed the Flaming Fairies 41 - 24.

The game didn’t start off that way, as Tommy Cruise connected with Antoine Devries for a 58 yards score to put San Francisco up 7 - 0 in the first quarter. The Amish team bounced back on a 13 yard TD pass to Speedy Ezekiel. The extra point failed, however, and when Fidel Castro kicked a 33 yard field goal, the Fairies led 10 - 6. Luthar Lamp then made a spiffy 29 yard run to put the Mennonites up 13 - 10 at the half.

The third quarter belonged all to the Amish. A stifling defense put tremendous pressure on Cruise and caused an interception by Deoder Yoder. Mudder Smucker’s 35 yard TD catch and Ezekiel’s 36 yard TD scamper had the Mennonites up 27 - 10 at the end of the 3rd. They increased their lead with a nice 8 play, 88 yard drive that was capped by ‘Bible Thumper’s’ 3rd TD pass of the day, this one to Lamp. James Leach returned the ensuing kick off back 87 yards for a TD, giving the Fairies brief hopes of a comeback. Those hopes were dashed by Speedy’s 2nd rushing TD, and 3rd of the day, making the score 41 - 17. Cruise threw one last desperation pass, a 52 yard TD to Leach for the final score.

Tommy Cruise finished the day 9 - 13 - 1 for 207 yards and 1 TD. Rod Stroker had 5 tackles for San Fracisco. Weisser was 6 - 9 - 0 for 164 yards and 3 TD’s The Amish defense was led by Sam Smuckers 5 tackles and a sack by Defender Bender.


Deoder Yoder (GEN 1:12) intercepts this pass in the 3rd quarter