The Fantasy Football season.....

[RavennaAl]

This was the game south Michigan fans had been waiting for, Battle Creek vs. Kalamazoo, Bozos vs. Killer Bees. The game started off with the Bozos getting the ball at their own 15 yard line. On the third play from scrimmage, 2 Cents ran 24 yards out to the 49, where he immediately dropped the ball and the Bees recovered. It only took 1 run by Steve Swarm to show that their new TTC ‘s were a huge improvement over last years bases, as the Bees blew the Bozos off the line and Swarm ran 49 yards to put the Bees on top 7 - 0. A good return set the clowns up at the 39, but again 2 Cents fumbled the ball at the exact same spot and the Bees were back in business at the Bozo 49. Kerry Kingbee found a wide open George B. Hive, and Hive outran the Bozo defense to the end zone and suddenly it was 14 - 0 Kalamazoo. A 3 and out gave the ball back to the Bees, but on 2nd down Left U-Turn intercepted Kingbee’s pass giving Battle Creek the ball at the Killer Bees 32. A few plays later, Norman Nest returned the favor and picked off Pi’s pass, setting Kalamazoo up with a first down at their own 41. On the ensuing play, Peter Pollen got some terrific blocks and ran 59 yards to stun the Bozos and give the Bees a commanding 21 - 0 lead, and the quarter wasn’t even over yet.

Any lesser team would have walked off the field with their heads down, but not these clowns. They don’t call them the Battlin’ Bozos for nothing, for battle back they did. Benching More or Less because of his poor play, Slappy O’Flaherty went to little used 5 ½, who responded in a huge way with a 89 yard TD return. The clowns defense stiffened on the Bees next possession and forced a punt. Showing his disapproval of his benching, More or Less ripped off a 90 yard punt return for a TD and suddenly it was a game again at 21 - 14. A big 55 yard run by Swarm put the Bees into field goal range, but on 4th down Paul Inated shanked the kick, giving the clowns the ball back. Pi guided the Bozos out to midfield, but Nest made his second pick of the game to end the half with the Bees out in front, 21 - 14.

The Killer Bees received the kick to start the second half, but on the first play, One Eleven, the Bozos stellar defensive tackle, made a once in a lifetime interception giving Battle Creek the ball at Kalamazoo’s 46. On the 4th play of the drive, 5 ½ scooted 30 yards to tie the game at 21 all. The Bees drove the ball on a 10 play drive, but had to settle for a field goal attempt that sailed right. The clowns couldn’t move the ball and had to give it back to the Bees to start the 4th quarter.

A 5 play drive that was highlighted by a 25 yard pass to Afri Canized ended with a 7 yard TD run by Pollen, giving the Bees the lead, 28 - 21. It only took 2 plays for the Bozos to tie it up again, this time on a 57 yard TD pass from Pi to Target, the clowns all-star tight end. The Bees came right back, and 5 plays later Swarm scored on a 20 yard run to put the Bees on top once again, 35 - 28. A great kick return by 5 ½ and a 37 pass to Target gave the Bozos a first and goal at the Bees 2, but the Killer Bees showed a killer instinct and their goal line stand held still to give them a 35 - 28 victory.

Swarm ran for 169 yards on 13 carries and a TD while Pollen had 135 yards on 14 carries and 3 TD’s to lead the Bees. The Bozos were led by Target, who had 111 yards on 3 receptions and 1 TD. Defensively, the Bees were led by Nest’s 2 interceptions and Jerry Yellowjacket’s 5 tackles. The Bozos’ Left U-Turn and One Eleven each had an interception while Smilie and Greaterthanfour had 5 tackles apiece.

5 1/2 takes it to the house on this 89 yard kick off return for a TD

[RavennaAl]

Standings after the first 'week'

NORTH
TEAM ..... W/L............ PF............ PA
Sasquatch 1 - 0......... 42............ 38
Killer Bees.. 1 - 0......... 35............. 28
Bozos...... 0 - 1........ 28............ 35
Third Reich 0 - 1........ 38............ 42

UN_NORTH
Zombies..... 1 - 0........... 21.......... 17
Fairies....... 1 - 0........... 24.......... 21
Mennonites. 0 - 1........... 17.......... 21
Toxic Waste 0 - 1........... 21......... . 24

[RavennaAl]

Leading Rushers

......Player ............... Team............. Yards/Att....... Ave....... Tds

1) Grog................ Sasquatch......... 287 / 18....... 15.9....... 4
2) Steve Swarm..... Killer Bees ........ 169 / 13....... 13.0....... 1
3) Muckman........... Sasquatch........ 136 / 12....... 11.3....... 2
4) Peter Pollen....... Killer Bees ........ 135 / 14....... 9.6....... 3
5) Speedy Ezekiel... Mennonites ....... 104 / 9....... 11.6....... 1
6) 2 Cents.............. Bozos............. 59 / 12....... 4.9......... 0
7) Jerome Bettis..... Zombies............. 57 / 12....... 4.8....... 1
8) Orenthal Simpson Toxic Waste....... 53 / 13....... 4.1....... 1
9) James Leach .... Fairies............... 50 / 15....... 3.3 ....... 0
10) Curtis Martin ... Zombies............. 41 / 9....... 4.6 ....... 1


Passing Leaders

..........Player...........Team .......... Comp - Att - Int - TD’s... Yards

1) Wilhelm Klink.... Third Reich....... 10 - 13 - 2..... 4 TD’s..... 306 yds
2) Tommy Cruise... Fairies............ 11 - 13 -1..... 2 TD’s..... 183 yds
3) Billybob Weisser Mennonites ..... 8 - 15 - 0..... 1 TD........ 142 yds
4) Pi................... Bozos............. 4 - 8 - 2..... 1 TD........ 121 yds
5) Starr/Fouts **... Zombies.......... 5 - 6 - 0..... 0 TD’s..... 115 yds
6) Kerry Kingbee.. Killer Bees....... 5 - 8 - 2..... 1 TD........ 98 yds
7) George Dubya .. Toxic Waste... 5 - 10 - 2..... 1 TD..... 64 yds
8) Stinkwater....... Sasquatch..... 3 - 6 - 1..... 0 TD’s..... 45 yds

** The Zombies alternate QB's during the course of the game between Bart Starr and Dan Fouts

Leading Receivers

Player ................. Team........... Catches - yards... TD’s

1) Willie Wolf........... Third Reich... 4 - 142...... 2 TD’s
2) Gene Simmons..... Fairies.......... 4 - 117...... 1 TD
3) Target................ Bozos.......... 3 - 111...... 1 TD
4) Speedy Ezekiel..... Mennonites.. 3 - 100...... 1 TD
5) Dieter Zimmerman. Third Reich... 4 - 96...... 2 TD’s
6) Jerome Bettis....... Zombies...... 1 - 63...... 0 TD’s
7) George B. Hive..... Killer Bees..... 2 - 55...... 1 TD
8) Fritz Mueller........ Third Reich... 1 - 54...... 0 TD’s
9) Afri Canized........ Killer Bees.... 2 - 35...... 0 TD’s
10) Terry Owens.... Toxic Waste... 2 - 32...... 1 TD


Sacks

Player............ Team....... #

1) Charles Mann Zombies 1
2) Doug Drone Killer Bees 1


Interceptions

Player....... Team...... #

1) Norman Nest Killer Bees 2
Eight tied with 1


Leading Tackles

Player............... Team......... # Tackles

1) Tank.................... Sasquatch... 6 ½
2) Dirk Lange............. Third Reich... 6
2) Dick Wanker.......... Fairies......... 6
2) Willie Brown.......... Zombies....... 6
5) Greaterthanfour..... Bozos.......... 5
5) Smilie.................. Bozos............ 5
5) Louis Lapp............. Mennonites... 5
5) Jerry Yellowjacket .. Killer Bees..... 5
9) Colon Powell.......... Toxic Waste... 4 ½
9) Dick Cheney.......... Toxic Waste... 4 ½

I love this! Nice to see you adding a healthy dose of humor into your games! Great post.

[RavennaAl]

I'm glad you like reading about it so far. This is the first time I've taken on something of this magnitude before. The games are taking longer than I expected, and trying to gather up all the stats takes a lot of my spare time as well. I know there are some Bozo and Sasquatch fans around, a good friend of mine who lives just a couple of blocks away likes the Fairies, and I've also heard from some Killer Bee and Mennonite supporters. The games are being played out with as little favoritism as possible, so the teams are really winning or losing on their own. The results so far have been surprising, to say the least. I have no clue as to who will win it all. I just hope I'm not boring everyone to death. Now, that being said, here's the odds for next 'weeks' games......

Sasquatch (-3) vs. Killer Bees

Bozos (-2) vs. Third Reich

Flaming Fairies (-6) vs. Mennonites

Toxic Waste (+7) vs. Zombies

Stay tuned...

[RavennaAl]

Mennonites 41 - Fairies 24



The Midwest Mennonites won their first game in impressive fashion as they set a WMLMF record, holding the Fairies to minus 10 yards rushing. Led by Billy Bob Weisser’s near perfect passing and a balanced rushing attack, the Mennonites routed the Flaming Fairies 41 - 24.

The game didn’t start off that way, as Tommy Cruise connected with Antoine Devries for a 58 yards score to put San Francisco up 7 - 0 in the first quarter. The Amish team bounced back on a 13 yard TD pass to Speedy Ezekiel. The extra point failed, however, and when Fidel Castro kicked a 33 yard field goal, the Fairies led 10 - 6. Luthar Lamp then made a spiffy 29 yard run to put the Mennonites up 13 - 10 at the half.

The third quarter belonged all to the Amish. A stifling defense put tremendous pressure on Cruise and caused an interception by Deoder Yoder. Mudder Smucker’s 35 yard TD catch and Ezekiel’s 36 yard TD scamper had the Mennonites up 27 - 10 at the end of the 3rd. They increased their lead with a nice 8 play, 88 yard drive that was capped by ‘Bible Thumper’s’ 3rd TD pass of the day, this one to Lamp. James Leach returned the ensuing kick off back 87 yards for a TD, giving the Fairies brief hopes of a comeback. Those hopes were dashed by Speedy’s 2nd rushing TD, and 3rd of the day, making the score 41 - 17. Cruise threw one last desperation pass, a 52 yard TD to Leach for the final score.

Tommy Cruise finished the day 9 - 13 - 1 for 207 yards and 1 TD. Rod Stroker had 5 tackles for San Fracisco. Weisser was 6 - 9 - 0 for 164 yards and 3 TD’s The Amish defense was led by Sam Smuckers 5 tackles and a sack by Defender Bender.


Deoder Yoder (GEN 1:12) intercepts this pass in the 3rd quarter

[RavennaAl]

Toxic Waste 35 - Zombies 34



The New Zealand players were still shaking their heads, wondering how this game got away from them. In what had to be the most bizarre game ever seen in the WMLMF, the Toxic Waste defense shut out the Zombies in the second half and came from 14 points behind to win, 35 - 34.

The first half was all offense, and for the Zombies, that meant all Marcus Allen as he ran for 199 yards and a record 5 TD’s in the first 2 quarters. The Waste set a record of their own, as both Steve Colbert and Orenthal Simpson returned kick offs back for TD’s, Colbert’s an 87 yard run and Simpson’s a 90 yarder.

Allen started the scoring spree with a 7 yard run. Colbert then returned the kick for his first TD. Marcus scored on the next series from 21 yards out, and added a 22 yarder after Colbert’s fumble on the kick off, giving New Zealand a 21 - 7 lead after one.

The Waste drove 80 yards in 12 plays and made it 21 - 14 on Simpson’s 1 yard catch from George Dubya. Marcus scored from 4 out to make it 27 - 14 as the extra point failed. Simpson returned the following kick for his 2nd TD to trim the lead, 27 - 21. Allens 60 yard run pushed the lead up to 34 - 21. On the last play of the half, Colbert stunned the Zombies with an incredible 53 yard screen pass to make the score, 34 - 28 at halftime.

The second half started with something not seen in the first half….defense! An exchange of punts gave the ball to the Toxic Waste at the Zombies 37, where Jim Baker caught a Dubya pass and outran the Zombie defense to give the Waste a 35 - 34 lead that would turn out to be the final score. The teams continued to exchange punts, and the Zombies had one last chance to score at the end of the 4th quarter, but Adam Vinatieri’s field goal attempt was blocked by Jessie ‘The Reverend’ Jackson, giving the Waste an improbable win.

Marcius Allen finished the day with 217 yards rushing and Jerome Bettis added 82 yards on 13 carries. Fouts and Starr combined for 6 - 10 - 0 passing for 96 yards. Dubya had a terrific day for Three Mile, throwing 8 - 9 - 0 for 155 yards and 3 TD’s, and Colbert ran for 64 yards on 13 carries. Defensively, the Zombies were led by Willie Davis’ 4 tackles while Carlos Helu led the Waste with 5.

Dick Nixon's fierce hit on Bob Hayes knocked him over, caussing this 3rd quarter fumble, recovered by the Waste.

[styx]

hey al, dude your teams look so sweet , love what you've done with them , im pulling for grog and the boys from boogy creek .....lol good luck with your season.





there's nothing to fear, but fear itself unlless your playing the colts

[styx]

HEY AL, WHAT DOES THE REST OF THE SSCHEDULE LOOK LIKE FOR THE CANADIANS