Third Annual: Mark's Super Bowl Prediction

Here it is Fellow MF Enthusiasts, my brother Mark's Third Annual Super Bowl Prediction. Enjoy!


Mark’s Super Bowl XLIII Predictions
January, 2009

I make my Super Bowl predictions every year just before the conference championship games. Why wait until afterwards when we know who’s playing in the big game? Anyone can do that and still have a 50-50 chance of being correct. This way, my great prognosticating skills are displayed when there’s only a 25% chance of naming the winner.
Rest assured that I have made every effort to support my predictions with extensive research. I have spent months watching games, analyzing statistics, consulting with bearded old guys on mountains, skipping rocks, searching on Google, folding socks, frying Spam, talking to players, coaches, and fans (They were not playing, coaching, or watching football, but who cares?), drinking Gatorade, picking peppers off of pizzas, bike riding with my shirt on inside out and backwards, simulating NFL games on my computer, reading books about players who no longer play, and repairing EFL game board on/off switches; all to bring you the most accurate predictions anywhere on the planet.
Bonus!

This year I’ve expanded my predictions to include not only the teams playing in the game, but also the fans, television, and halftime show.
So here, without further fanfare, are my Super Bowl XLIII Predictions:

* This was a tough call, but I am confident when I predict that the NFC team will be undefeated in the playoff games leading to the Super Bowl. Ditto for the AFC team.
* The sound of a whistle will start and stop each play.
* Whistle blowing will not start a run to the hot dog stand, although the hot dogs could give someone the runs, causing them to stop what they are doing and start heading for the washroom.
* The NFC will field its defense whenever the AFC offense is lined up for play, and the AFC will counter with a defense to stop the NFC offense.
* An exciting game is anticipated, as virtually all of the stadium seats (excluding those in the washrooms) face the field of play.
* The coin flipped at the beginning of the game will not work in a standard pop machine.
* AFC begins with “A”. Contrarily, the NFC team will come from a place that ends with “A”.
* There will be a stripe on the helmet of the AFC champs.
* This will be the fifth consecutive Super Bowl without a “V”.
* The little warning sticker on players’ helmets will not play a part in video replay decisions.
* No one will be appointed to determine whether the stadium roof is to be open or closed during the game.
* At least one starting quarterback will have a single digit jersey number.
* There will be birds at the game, but only their heads will be visible. Do not try to pet them or feed them breadcrumbs.
* Only the AFC champs will have letters on their logo.
* The AFC place kicker will be number 3, which is one or two higher than the NFC place kicker’s number.
* The team with the highest score at the end of the game will have been a mere Conference Champ at the beginning of the game, yet will return home as Super Bowl Champ.
* The winning starting quarterback will have an odd (and I don’t mean strange) jersey number.
* Winning the Super Bowl may be a feather in a team’s hat, but at least one team will play the entire game with feathers on their hats.
* The Super Bowl XLIII champion will not represent horses, ranch hands, prospectors, goats, airplanes, pirates, Norsemen, mammals renown for depositing their feces in forests, jingoists, cats, coach’s last name bearers, canonized people, early American residents, very large folks, heads side of nickels, nor water inhabiting mammals.
* This will be the 43rd consecutive year that insects and fish are not represented.
* No less than 30 people attending the game will spill their drinks.
* At least one team plays its home games in a city that begins with “P”.
* This will be the first time in six years that blue is not a team colour.
* The band playing at halftime will not be marching.
* All of the players and coaches will go to bed early after the game so they can get up early the next day to see what Phil has to say.
* The halftime show will begin after the second quarter has concluded and end before the third quarter begins.
* The jersey number of the AFC team’s long snapper will be higher than that of his NFC counterpart.
* The first name of the winning coach will begin with a letter which precedes “n” in the alphabet.
* No one will be able to watch the entire pre-game show without taking at least one potty break.
* No less than 25981 people watching the game on TV will spill their drinks.
* None of the U.S. TV game announcers in the booth will sport a moustache, but one of them used to hang out with guys wearing an eye patch on their heads while playing a sport.
* At least one team will wear black cleats.
* The TV commercials will not feature any of my triathlon stories.
* Many members of the winning team will wear baseball hats immediately after the game. Conversely, none of the members of the World Series winning team wears a football helmet after the game.